Tag Archives: Wal-Mart

Zombie-like at Wally World

I walked around Wal-Mart the other day. From one end to the other. I bought stuff and almost bought other stuff.

I asked a staff person where something was. She pointed. “Over there past the George Foremans, next to the computer stuff.”

Perhaps I looked dazed. She added, “Yeh I know. No matter where you are, what you want is somewhere else.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” I chuckled.

I looked at my options, compared prices and finally placed my selection in the cart. I wove my way to the long bank of check out lanes, hearing “Welcome to Wal-Mart” in the distance.

I waited in line zombie-like, said “no-thank you” to the cashier who asked me a question that I really didn’t hear. I slipped my credit card in the money-taker contraption and walked off into the dusk, once again having no idea where I parked my car. But I saved three bucks, and when I finally found my car, I had to just sit there for a few minutes, the engine humming.

Then I drove home and didn’t realize until I walked through the door, I didn’t get what I went there for.

Tales of Sofa Land and Wally Mart

Saturday our new sectional sofa was delivered from none other than, ta da, Sofa Land. It is quite wonderful and so huge both of us can lie down and not have our feet touch our respective arms at the end of our respective reclining seats – yes, that’s right. It has two seats that recline, electronically, with unlimited positions. Not only that I can plug my iPhone into the sofa’s phone charger. Yup. I can just sit on my ass with a constantly charged phone and do things like… err.. write important posts to Face Book.

On Face Book, I mentioned going to Walmart. I asked for prayers, but apparently I am not worthy of such support. My friend Tammy just commented, “Don’t do that.” I didn’t notice her words of encouragement until I came home. Another friend, Kate, suggested :good things happen in even the most unlikely places..”  I think perhaps she was drunk when she wrote that. My longtime buddy, Leo, asked for my location so he could send a rescue team (but I noticed he didn’t offer to be on that team). And a few other friends Liked that post. Not really sure what a Like on a post that reads “I am going to Walmart. Pray for me” is supposed to denote or even connote (yes I do know the difference). Did they like it I was going to Walmart or that I was seeking prayer? I imagine one of those two is more probable than the other, but you figure that out.

Anyway. We went for a couple of those TV stands we can eat on. Yeh, I know that sounds so 1960s, but here’s the thing. That incredible sofa is so damn big we have to move our small dining room table down in the basement. It appears now if we have anyone over for dinner, we will need 6 to 8 TV trays for our guests. No lie. Or clear off our wonderful oak work tables we situated off the kitchen in another former eating area (but only for really special guests, I imagine).

As usual, we left Wally World with more than we set out to accumulate: three laundry baskets (on sale of course, had to get them), two very soft and comfy deep purple throws so we can hide under the covers when watching a scary show (like reruns of Murder She Wrote), some Easter bunny stuff for the grand kids, and then we said that thing we always say. “Let’s pick up a couple of things for dinner.” What started out as chicken and a loaf of bread ended up being a cart full of great deals.

In our travels around WalIy Land, I noticed that some Walmart staff were wearing a new smock which said on the back in very large typeface, “Happy to Help.” I approached one but before I could ask anything she turned to face me. Apparently the correct facial expression for “happy to help” is a grimace and a look of terror in the eye that offers, “Oh crap here comes another one.”

I just kept walking. Once we got home (and unloaded all of our great finds), Ronda took a nap and I sat on our gigantic sofa, my phone plugged in, and wrote a bunch of dribble and posted in on Face Book, which is what all us do on Face Book from time to time, right?